Monday, October 11, 2021

The Strange Case of Dr Ian Uendo, Principled Chiropractor

The world awoke on the morning of October 8th to an Associated Press article 'Anti-vaccine chiropractors rising force of misinformation', kindly shared around social media the following day by Principled Chiropractor, Dr Ian Uendo, who appeared to misunderstand that the piece was targeting people such as himself and that drunk guy in the corner of your local pub for being narcissistic, paranoid twats.

The article noted that participants at a sold-out Wisconsin convention, advertised as "issuing uncensored truth" was "in fact, a sea of misinformation and conspiracy theories about vaccines and the pandemic."

"What do I care?!" Dr Ian Uendo said in response to the criticism. "Chiropractic Philosophy always tells me that no matter how illiterate and unaware a person is of basic high school reasoning, no matter how vulnerable and easily manipulated they are, they can always know what is true by telling themselves that they do and attacking their critics as if they had just ascended from hell."

When asked to describe the philosophy underpinning his certainty that vaccines were poisons sent by false prophets in the service of Satan and his minions, Dr Uendo replied "Pretending that you know you can affect the action of a Universal Life Force that uses the nervous system to bounce around the body and make shit work good, also enables you to accurately detect and correct who is your friend and foe, who is right and wrong."

When asked to elaborate on this profound wisdom, Dr Ian Uendo explained "Basically, if someone disagrees with you, holds a different opinion or says something like "That sounds like utter bullshit, mate!" and "Did you even read the article?!", they are shills in the service of the Evil One, and must be eliminated. Alternatively, if they're lucky enough to be subluxation free at the time of the rapture they'll ascend to the other world along with me and all my mates.

D. Scown


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